


What Are You Wearing?

by teddybagwell



Category: The Mighty Boosh (TV)
Genre: Dirty Talk, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Gay, Love, M/M, Masturbation, Mutual Masturbation, Romantic Fluff, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2020-01-13 11:40:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18468205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teddybagwell/pseuds/teddybagwell
Summary: Howard didn't care for newfangled technology. Not until today, at least.





	What Are You Wearing?

**Author's Note:**

> Howard, Vince, and phone sex because it's what we all deserve. Enjoy! <3

Howard didn't care too much for newfangled technology. Give him a typewriter or a record player and he’d be content. He didn't feel the need to own a mobile phone, unlike Vince who carried his Nokia everywhere he went.

'Y'never know who's gonna be ringin',' Vince protested when Howard had attempted to question him. 'Lady Fame could be ringin' you but you're fucked 'cause you refuse to get with it.'

'Lady Fame wouldn't use a mobile phone, Vince, she'd pick up the house phone, or make the time to pop round for a cup of tea,' Howard replied. 

However, when Vince began complaining about being unable to get in touch with him, Howard knew it wouldn't be long before Vince started pushing him to 'move with the times'. 

Because it was Vince, and it was inevitable that he would get his way eventually, Howard ended up with the exact same Nokia as Vince, but without the bright flashing lights.

'We can match, how cute is that?' he'd said as he dragged Howard towards the row of Nokia phones.

'Is that all you're going out with me for, so you can have someone to match with?' Vince didn't answer but grinned and kissed the top of Howard's hand. 

Howard was now in possession of a mobile phone that stored Vince's number, and it was nothing but tumbleweed from there on out. The background was a photo of the two of them that Vince insisted on having taken as soon as he’d set his phone up. 

 

** ***** **

'Are you really leaving me?' Vince asked, leaning on the counter, looking glum.

'It's just for the weekend, little man, you'll be fine,' Howard said, securing the bag on his shoulder, checking he had everything he needed. 

'Where is it you’re going again?' Vince played with strands of his mop as he inspected the nails of his free hand. 

Howard sighed. 'I went through the presentation with you last night, Vince, where I'm going to be at certain times each day, when I'll be available to talk on the phone, that sort of thing, did you not listen to a word I said?' 

'Course I did! I just forgot, awright?'

Another sigh escaped the taller man's lips. 'I'm going to a jazz convention up North, I'll be back Sunday night. I've got to get going, actually.’

Howard leaned over and pressed his dry lips against Vince’s which were plump and slicked with lip gloss, initiating what he assumed would be an innocent farewell kiss. Vince gripped the back of his neck and slid his tongue between his teeth, letting out a gentle moan. Howard didn't resist, knowing he'd be surviving on that kiss for the next few days. 

'Y'gonna miss me, Howard?' Vince mumbled against his lips, the tiniest of smiles creeping onto his face. 

'After that? Definitely,' Howard breathed. They stayed like that for a few more seconds. 'I should be going, I need to catch my train.' 

** *******

Walking through the dimly lit hall of the hotel, Howard could feel his back threatening to give in at the weight he was carrying. After his last jazz convention, he should have known to bring something big enough to hold all of the things he couldn't resist buying. He’ll remember next time. 

There was a vibration in his pocket, but he had to ignore it; if he even attempted to answer his phone, he might drop one of his limited edition records and he couldn't have that.

Once back in his hotel room, he felt like he could breathe for the first time all day. His skin itched and he could feel warmth under his arms. Carefully placing his items in the corner, he then made his way into the tiny ensuite shower to rid himself of the unsanitary feeling. 

Howard let out a moan before he could stop it; the hot water cascading down his back was almost too much. The steam hugged his body and he never wanted to leave its embrace. But the outside world was looming and he knew he shouldn't stay for too long, anyway. 

Howard changed into a pair of boxer shorts and walked back into his hotel room, a distant vibration attempting to fill the silence. He rushed over to his jacket pocket and pull out his phone, seeing Vince's name across the screen. 

'Vince, hey!' he said, sitting down on the edge of the bed. 

'Where 'ave you been, y'jack of clubs?!' Vince hissed down the phone, taking Howard by surprise. 'I've been ringin' you for ages!'

'I'm just getting settled in for the night, is everything okay?' he asked, worry setting in his stomach.

'No, everythin' is not okay, my boyfriend’s ignoring me.'

'I'm not ignoring you, little man, I've just got back to the hotel and taken a shower-'

‘Whatever,’ Vince sighed. ‘What’re you doin' now?' he added, swiftly changing the subject. 

'Might see what's on the telly, might go check out the local nightlife, the possibilities are endless, yes, sir.'

Howard knew he wasn't going anywhere, he wasn't eager to check out the nightlife back home, there wasn't a bone in his body that wanted to witness it in a whole other city.

'Why don't y'stay and talk to me?' 

'What do you want to talk about?' Howard asked, looking around the room for the tv remote but gave up when he couldn’t find it within arm's length. 'Gary Numan? Hair straighteners? The latest fashion trend, what is it, glueing bird feathers to your eyebrows?' 

'What're you wearing?' Vince uttered, causing Howard's heart to skip a beat.

'What?'

'What're you wearing?'

'Uh, just my.. uh, my underwear,' Howard coughed in embarrassment, his fingers drumming against his thigh. ‘Why?’

'I've been thinkin' about you all day, y'know,' Vince rasped through the phone. 'Thinkin' about you fuckin' me and makin' me come.'

It took those last few words for Howard's cheeks to flush a deep pink, a flurry of heat swirled in the pit of his stomach.

'I wanna feel your cock inside me, Howard, I want you to fill me up.' Vince was breathing heavier by the second, there was shuffling through the phone and Howard could only imagine what he was doing. 'Talk to me, Howard. I need to hear your voice.'

'What- what do you want me to say?' Howard asked, his inexperience coming through.

'Just say some well filthy stuff, start wankin' off and tell me what y'wanna do to me,' Vince said nonchalantly, without so much as a pause. Howard didn't understand how he felt so at ease while saying such vulgarity. 

He had to admit, Vince's soft grunts and groans went straight to his cock and he didn't hesitate to run his hand over the slight bulge in his boxers.

'Are you touchin' yourself?' 

'Mhm.'

'What're you thinkin' about?' Vince panted, and Howard could picture him stroking himself while sprawled across their bed where they’d done things Howard could previously only dream of doing with another person.

'You. Touching you,' Howard muttered, pulling at the waistband of his boxers, gasping at the friction against his hard-on as he pulled them down. 'Wishing I was with you.'

He wasted no time and used the precum leaking from his cock to build a rhythm with his fist. 

‘Shit,’ he whispered, his eyes closing as he relished in the sensation. ‘I can’t wait to touch you when I get back, feel every inch of your body.’

‘Oh, I want that so bad, Howard,’ he whispered before letting out a shaky breath. ‘Y’wanna know what I’m doing?’

‘Tell me,’ Howard said, hoping he didn't sound too desperate.

‘I’ve got a dildo up my arse, it’s a little smaller than you but it does the trick,’ Vince said, not knowing how much of an effect he had on Howard, who’s hand sped up significantly at the idea of Vince fucking himself and pretending it was his cock. 

‘Oh, fuck. Vince, does it- does it feel good?’ 

’S-so good, Howard. I’m tryin’ to hit that- that spot that makes me scream, y’know the way you like?’ 

Jaw clenched, Howard’s hips bucked into his own hand. ‘V-Vince, I don’t think I can last much longer-‘ 

‘Me neither, j-just give me a minute, I wanna come with you, Howard,’ Vince breathed heavily.

Howard could feel his body becoming tense and his heart rate quickening, there was a dull ache in his wrist but he couldn’t stop even if he tried.

‘Oh my god, H-Howard, right there. C-can I come? P-Please,’ Vince whimpered, sounding almost pained. 

They hadn’t discussed it, but Howard knew from the way Vince always asked for permission that he found great pleasure in being told he’s allowed his release; according to Howard’s timings, he always came when he’s granted it, and only then. 

‘C-come for me, Vincey, let yourself go,’ Howard stuttered. White hot pleasure shot through his entire body just as he heard Vince let out a long moan, followed by heavy panting as he rode out his orgasm. His own grunts and mumblings of Vince’s name accompanied them. 

Howard began to see clearly again. Neither of them spoke for at least a minute, just deep breaths passed through the phone. 

‘We’re definitely doin’ that again,’ Vince breathed out eventually. ‘Can you go to jazz conventions more often?’ 

‘Very funny,’ Howard said, running a hand across his forehead, feeling sweat coat his fingertips. 

‘Did you enjoy that?’ Vince asked, probably cocooned in their bedsheets. 

‘Very much, little man, I’m still reeling from it,’ Howard chuckled. ‘I’ve survived on mediocre wanks up until now, made me relive what life was like without you.’

‘You’ve only been gone one day, how many wanks ‘ave you ‘ad?’ 

‘You’re failing to remember that I’m new to this whole thing, Vince. While you’ve been having sexual adventures whenever you fancy, I’ve been getting myself off whenever I had the chance. I’ve had a taste and now I’m addicted.’ 

He heard Vince groan. ‘Get your arse home, we’re havin’ pity sex because that is the saddest thing I’ve ever heard.’ 

‘Thank you, little man.’

They spoke for another hour or so, before Howard thought they should try and get some sleep; Vince made a comment about being well rested for all the sex they’re going to be having when Howard gets home, which was typical of Vince, Howard thought. 

‘Night, Howard, see you tomorrow, yeah?’

‘Certainly, sir. Sleep well.’

Howard rolled over into a more comfortable position and basked in the silence for a few seconds. His phone vibrated.

‘luv _getting sexy with u. thank u for making a wank even better, ur a star. see u tomorrow <3_’ 

Howard Moon grinned like an idiot in the privacy of his hotel room. 

 


End file.
